Seriously, there's an outrageous amount of running involved.

**Warning: This post doesn’t contain much funnies, just mostly my feels. Also there are no zombies, you are probably thinking of The Walking Dead. This is just a blog post.

I’ve run before, I’ve run a lot. I really love running. Or I really loved running? When I started running I was running everywhere. I would pack the kids in the double jogging stroller and run to do errands. I’d run to the park 8 miles away, have a picnic, play on the playground, and run 8 miles back home.  I even ran 6 miles round trip with the kids to workout at the gym.

Half Marathon in 2:10, one potty break.

Today was my first run in my marathon training. It was 3 miles, I want to say only, because I used to say only. I was terrified. All day I thought about it. I scheduled it in the afternoon so that I would just have my daughter to push. I had no route planned. I didn’t know if there would be a route that would be clear enough from the snow that my stroller would work. I didn’t know if my legs would take me 3 miles or if my lungs would let me breath.

This is how I went from on top of my running world to being terrified of 5k. I signed up for my first marathon for November 2013. I pinched a nerve in my back and had to reschedule my marathon for the following year. I booked my first marathon for November 2014. In July I got a 3^rd (maybe 4^th degree, I don’t know my health care is terrible) sprain to my ankle at the end of a Spartan Race. While recovering I did push a little too much to complete the races I had my heart set on. After all, doing the Spartan Beast in Vermont isn’t that big a deal right?!  I didn’t say I was the brightest. After pushing for the Beast there was no way I was going to run Marathon. So I rescheduled my first marathon for May 24 at the Ottawa Race Weekend.

Thank goodness for Kelly Ripley and my Mudd Queens!!

I don’t really want to admit this to myself, but I got really depressed. I had a lot going on and having to cut down Crossfit and cut out running all together was a big bummer. I got so fatigued I couldn’t even get myself to clean the house. Not a normal busy person tired but heavy fatigue that sleep couldn’t cure. When I had my second baby, my son was 18 months old and my husband was in Afghanistan for 4 more months. I feel that I am qualified to asses what tired is, this wasn’t it. It’s been one thing after the other since my injury but I got some help and I feel that I am emotionally back on track. Physically, not so much. I've put on about 30lbs in the past year, mostly due to medication, and I can feel it. All that is how I ended with the feelings I did this morning.

The run was a struggle. I stalled as much as I could. I had to dig out all my winter running gear. I went out with Faewyn and started the run. I though I ran a mile, but it wasn’t even half a mile. My stroller wheels weren’t inflated. My legs burned. My mind was all over the place. There is nothing quite like having your conscious argue with itself to make a run go by faster. You can’t run like you did. But you are running and that’s all that matters. But you use to run 20 miles like it was nothing and now you cant do 3. Well that’s not going to help you run a marathon is it? And so on. I finished the 5k. It wasn’t record time. I walked a bit. I got it done.

Letting Faewyn get a half mile in too!

I am still pretty scared but I’ll be damned if I have to plan my first marathon a forth time. Plus I’m pretty sure Carrie Fleming would run to my house and roundhouse throat punch me. It’s so difficult coming to terms with the feeling of starting from scratch with running and Crossfit. Pushing forward as of today and no longer crying over the milk that has been spilled.

Thanks also to Genevieve Cholette that is helping with my ankle recovery!!! IF you need a massage therapist in Ottawa, she's your girl!!

Next posts wont have so much feels. 

My past adventures can be found here: http://tunesesmewings.blogspot.com